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I read this as part of a book club and I’m thankful for having a few chapters to read each day. The content did get heavy at times and taking a break was welcomed.
Yasmen and Josiah are a divorced couple who suffered a loss of a child and also a very close Aunty in quick succession. Yasmen went through a deep depression, whilst Josiah didn’t take the time to grieve. Josiah didn’t believe in therapy and talking to a professional, burying any trauma he’s ever experienced deep within. Yasmen and Josiah are still in each others lives as they have 2 children and also run a restaurant business together. As Josiah attempts to move on with someone new, are they both really ready to depart the love they once had or will old feelings start to resurface?
This book was a beautiful read for me. I can understand why some may not like this read, as the couple in the story could have worked things out with proper communication, having their own time to grieve and also needed the tools to work through their grief.
My heart broke reading about the loss of a child that Yasmen had to experience. I especially liked the research the author did with those who had this experience and even sought therapists out who may have helped those with such a significant loss.
Everyone wants to hate Josiah because he thought therapy was bollocks. My friend told me that this stigma is held for black men (something I didn’t know), so it makes sense that he thought it wasn’t going to help him nor Yasmen. He only thought her meds did the job, but when he eventually goes himself, he has such a profound experience and realises he was wrong.
I think Yas definitely wanted Josiah to express himself. He didn't know how and that stemmed from when his parents died. He buries it deep and didn't have the tools to cope or grieve properly. If Josiah didn’t hold the stigma surrounding therapy, used a therapist to digest his parents death when he was younger, he wouldn’t have held the "life moves on" mentality. So it was the same application to the loss of Byrd and Henry.
I think what drove Yas for divorce was also that Josiah kept tiptoeing around her and treating her like she was precious. She didn't know their business was not going smoothly and they had no money in the bank to pay for lawn mowing. I felt as if he threw her depression back in her face by painting over that nursery wall. Josiah felt like it wasn't productive sitting there every day, day in day out. I think he felt like she needed to stop and come back to reality. He didn't understand depression, so therefore had judgement from a practical point of view. Yasmen was all emotional. So really he lacked emotional intelligence. They were two opposite people at the time. They weren't going to work out if they continued that way, so I think Yas thought divorce was the only solution for self healing from such a devastating loss.
Kaseem was such a sweetheart and the whole time I was thinking “what is Deja’s problem?”. I knew it wouldn’t come easily and we got our answer towards the end of the book. I think a child can hold anger when they don’t really understand fully what’s going on. If you only hold a certain piece of information, it’s easy to jump to conclusions and can be very confusing for the child. Overall, I thought for how well Yasmen and Josiah were co-parenting, they had pretty decent children. Deja holding attitude was within her own reasoning.
I think this book is really raw and emotional. It embraces a topic that maybe not many people would know about or relate to, but is as real as it gets for those suffering loss and depression. I would recommend not reading this book if those are triggers for you.
