Before I Let Go

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I read this as part of a book club and I’m thankful for having a few chapters to read each day. The content did get heavy at times and taking a break was welcomed.

Yasmen and Josiah are a divorced couple who suffered a loss of a child and also a very close Aunty in quick succession. Yasmen went through a deep depression, whilst Josiah didn’t take the time to grieve. Josiah didn’t believe in therapy and talking to a professional, burying any trauma he’s ever experienced deep within. Yasmen and Josiah are still in each others lives as they have 2 children and also run a restaurant business together. As Josiah attempts to move on with someone new, are they both really ready to depart the love they once had or will old feelings start to resurface?

This book was a beautiful read for me. I can understand why some may not like this read, as the couple in the story could have worked things out with proper communication, having their own time to grieve and also needed the tools to work through their grief.

My heart broke reading about the loss of a child that Yasmen had to experience. I especially liked the research the author did with those who had this experience and even sought therapists out who may have helped those with such a significant loss.

Everyone wants to hate Josiah because he thought therapy was bollocks. My friend told me that this stigma is held for black men (something I didn’t know), so it makes sense that he thought it wasn’t going to help him nor Yasmen. He only thought her meds did the job, but when he eventually goes himself, he has such a profound experience and realises he was wrong.

I think Yas definitely wanted Josiah to express himself. He didn't know how and that stemmed from when his parents died. He buries it deep and didn't have the tools to cope or grieve properly. If Josiah didn’t hold the stigma surrounding therapy, used a therapist to digest his parents death when he was younger, he wouldn’t have held the "life moves on" mentality. So it was the same application to the loss of Byrd and Henry.

I think what drove Yas for divorce was also that Josiah kept tiptoeing around her and treating her like she was precious. She didn't know their business was not going smoothly and they had no money in the bank to pay for lawn mowing. I felt as if he threw her depression back in her face by painting over that nursery wall. Josiah felt like it wasn't productive sitting there every day, day in day out. I think he felt like she needed to stop and come back to reality. He didn't understand depression, so therefore had judgement from a practical point of view. Yasmen was all emotional. So really he lacked emotional intelligence. They were two opposite people at the time. They weren't going to work out if they continued that way, so I think Yas thought divorce was the only solution for self healing from such a devastating loss.

Kaseem was such a sweetheart and the whole time I was thinking “what is Deja’s problem?”. I knew it wouldn’t come easily and we got our answer towards the end of the book. I think a child can hold anger when they don’t really understand fully what’s going on. If you only hold a certain piece of information, it’s easy to jump to conclusions and can be very confusing for the child. Overall, I thought for how well Yasmen and Josiah were co-parenting, they had pretty decent children. Deja holding attitude was within her own reasoning.

I think this book is really raw and emotional. It embraces a topic that maybe not many people would know about or relate to, but is as real as it gets for those suffering loss and depression. I would recommend not reading this book if those are triggers for you.

The First Thing About You

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I quite enjoyed this read as it opened my eyes to a world I know nothing about.

Harris is a teenage boy who has a medical condition called spinal muscular atrophy which causes muscle weakness. He’s wheelchair bound and relies on his mum or nurse for assistance. His family move to New Jersey and it means a new start in a new school. He judges people based on their favourite colour as it can really tell a lot about a person. At school, he runs into Nory, wants to get to know her but she won’t let on what her favourite colour is. This intrigues Harris and he is determined to find out. His new nurse Miranda opens Harris to a world of possibility and he starts to realise he’s more than just being wheelchair bound. As he starts to try new things, it’s far from what his friends and family know him to be. He pushes the wrong people away and wakes up to what true relationships really mean.

I enjoyed the read as Harris grew as a character throughout the book. He did come across very cynical and held everyone at arm's length. It's easy to understand why, when he's had so many nurses come and go from his life, but also not having any proper friends until he reaches his new school. I can't imagine what it's like for those with conditions like Harris'/Chaz's and this really was a small glimpse into the mind of someone who has uncertainty not only as a teenager, but may let their condition define them.

Zander was a funny character and in my opinion had a great outlook despite Harris treating him otherwise. Nory was a sweet enough love interest, though to me, she did seem hot and cold with Harris and it was understandable if he felt like he got mixed messaging. Loved Harris' mum! Clare bear was just an overall great human. I liked how the character Miranda opened up Harris, though her inexperience really showed her carelessness in situations.

This really was a story of self discovery and if it mirrors Chaz's life, then it really showed how much he's overcome as an individual.

If We Were Heroes

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I was contacted by the author to check out her book which is a dystopian YA novel. She described it as the walking dead meets the fault in our stars and I would say that's a fairly accurate description.

Ember has survived the apocalypse, though she's held up in a government facility and soon will come a vote where they decide if she lives or dies. Although she holds the cure for a virus that was unleashed onto the world killing many people, she also has a mutated version of the virus in her bloodstream. The world can't go through such devastation once more. As she recalls her harrowing experience for a film crew, humans were becoming the undead with a blood thirst and her story touches on her adoration for her best friend Sam. It's been years since this catastrophic event, but is she still a threat to society?

I love me an apocalyptic story as much as the next person. I'm always interested in someone's take of what could happen and how the world would deal with it after. What happens to the humans in this story is nothing that I've read before so I did find it enjoyable.

When Ember recounts her story for the film crew (who want to make a movie based on her life), there were moments when I thought maybe her or Sam might die. So you really didn't know what was going to happen as they ventured to find their parents. It was all so risky, but you do whatever you can to get to your loved ones.

I thought the love triangle in the story might have played out differently. Honestly didn't know who I was rooting for because in any love triangle, I'm always thinking "why not both?"

Really enjoyed the ending! I did guess the government's decisions, but it was the actions of all Ember's loved ones that was lovely to read.

The Clan of Mist

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Thank you to the authors for my ARC :)

Thessalia is a siren destined to take over as clan leader from her mother. It’s not the exact life she wants as she just wants to explore the world. Her clan possess a water amulet that they battle against other sirens to be the protectors of every 25 years. There are 7 amulets that exist in the world and if combined unleash a demon into the world. When Thessalia decides one day to leave her village to explore she gets lost but a halcyon shifter Dromie navigates her home and they become friends.

Dromie’s uncle owns a night club for magical beings and one night out, Thessalia spots him! What’s is it about this man? She feels all kinds of things inside, but in an instant he’s gone. It’s not long before Dromie organises a double date of sorts and it involves this mysterious stranger. Next minute, Thessalia has passed out and been kidnapped. This dark mysterious stranger named Kage has kidnapped her for the amulet, but her mother won’t ever give it up. But why does she continue to feel attraction for him when he’s entrapped her without water to fuel her magic?

This book was easy to read that I read it in one go! It’s fast paced, we never get lost in the world building and the characters are loveable. Was definitely a great opening novel to the series and I definitely was left wanting more. I felt like Thessalia was relatable because when you’re young, you want to break free of any restrictions your parents place on you.

I wasn’t expecting the spicy scenes when they came along, so that was a nice surprise when I got to those pages. It’s a small dose in there and fun!

I loved the idea of crocodile shifters as it’s not something I personally have come across in my readings, so that was refreshing. Kage has lived a rough life and he has got to have layers right? Will be interesting to see if we get to know him more in the series.

This book has a mix of fated mates, enemies to lovers, magic, shifters, romance and kidnapping trope. If you’re a lover of any of these, then you will enjoy this start to a series!

Last Tang Standing

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I really wanted to like this book and was actually going to DNF, though reading through the mixed reviews, I thought I’d proceed anyway. There may have been moments I skimmed read.

Let’s start with what I liked… I thought the author’s writing was engaging, witty and fun. I liked her style and would love to check out her other work. The main reason why I bought this book was because it was set in Singapore and my heritage is there. I like to have representation and support BIPOC authors. The premise intrigued me - Andrea Tang being a 33 year old who is the last in her family to get married, so she’s the “Last Tang Standing”.

The book definitely explored the family and cultural pressures that some people face in todays world - where tradition outweighs personal needs and wants. The MC Andrea felt like a pariah because she is getting on in years, and in her family’s eyes, being unmarried was frowned upon. Though some of us in today’s day and age may not feel this pressure, there are still so many that have this idea of success being housed around having a good job and also marrying someone with a good job. Can we really judge this mentality? Andrea’s mum makes a point of why she acts the way she does and her sacrifices have always been to see her children succeed. With this in mind, you can start to (somewhat) forgive the harshness of her actions. I personally have only felt some of this expectation of having a good job though never felt like I had to meet someone with a good job also… however you define what a good job is.

So the main problem I had with the MC Andrea is her alcoholism. Honestly, she has a drinking problem and if she wasn’t drinking every day, she was drinking every other day. I don’t see how this is funny or entertaining… it’s a serious problem. Because of this, she lacks maturity. Andrea is a successful lawyer who is trying to make partner at her firm, but she goes into work so many times hung over and you’re telling me she’s supposed to be a professional? If you want to make partner, you might take your job more seriously or have more respect for yourself to be the best individual to make partner? Very frustrating to read.

I agree with other reviews how there’s topics which can cause an uncomfortable feeling amongst readers. There’s “casual racism” which I didn’t really feel was challenged enough by those that could educate others, there’s Chinese privilege (which by the way still exists in Singapore), there’s inappropriate comments surrounding weight and plastic surgery, the queer cousin won’t be accepted and disowned unless she marries a straight person, there’s ageism, there’s fat shaming, an inappropriate comment in reference to pedophiles on page 12 and did I mention how much alcoholic drinking is in this book by the MC and her friends?

The person Andrea ends up with, isn’t even a convincing romance. I didn’t really get the sense that much spark was there. They were colleagues and they were just getting to know one another. To me, it didn’t really scream out hot burning desire. It really felt short for me.

The reason I stayed until the end was to see if Andrea would grow as a person. We did see this towards the end where she quits her job, tries to stop drinking and truly think about what she wants to achieve in life. If you blink you may miss it as it’s only covered in very few pages.

The book is also long for not much character building. Since we get Andrea’s internal monologue, we get her judgemental commentary of those around her, but we don’t really get to know anyone in too much depth… or maybe that’s the point? Everyone in her life is so surface level, including the MC, so no one has any real substance to them? Not sure if intentional or not.

I am sitting here still with mixed feelings on the book but as I said I would still like to check out this author’s other work. It could just be that this book didn’t really hit, but that’s not to say her other work won’t. I feel like this story could have been really great and a missed opportunity.