Day 17 - A Year to Clear - A-Wear-ness Process

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Lesson 17: A-Wear-ness Process

Today is about taking one item of clothing from your closet that you don’t currently use, or it doesn’t look or feel good to wear. We are to reflect on the feeling that item brings us to feel any sense of needing to get rid of it or still have the urge to hold onto it. I’m not necessarily meant to get rid of the item but note the feelings that come as to why I hold on. The idea is to “notice the thoughts and feelings that are keeping you from letting it go.”

I have these red Mary Jane shoes with a slight heel. I haven’t worn them in a while but I do enjoy them. They are cute and go with the outfits I have that involve red. They are one of the very few red pair of shoes that I have but the last time I wore them, they gave me blisters. Never gave me blisters before though I believe because I put on weight, they didn’t fit like they used to. The reason why I keep them is mainly because they go with my outfits not necessarily for practical reasons. Most of the time, I have felt good in them so I don’t see why I should get rid of them unless they fall apart. In this instance, I have nothing but good thoughts about these shoes.

Upon reflecting on that experience, I’m not sure that I released any stuck energy. If that was the point, I didn’t feel it. This simple process taught by going through items one by one, I can easily release a lot more that I hold. Just because this particular item didn’t see me release, I can see the effectiveness of this method of clearing items - that it did serve a purpose some time ago but may no longer serve me now. I can see by adopting this practise how it can flow into other aspects in my life. If anything does not bring me joy, why am I holding onto it?

Day 17 - A Year of Spiritual Awakening - Regrets

Photo by Cristian Newman on Unsplash

Lesson 17: You may have regrets in your life...

Today’s lesson is to focus on past regrets and that this is all part of our soul growth. I truly believe that there may be bad decisions we’ve made but there is always a lesson to be gained from that experience. Sure, it might not make sense at the time, but later on when you can truly reflect, that’s when you can really develop and grow as an individual. You can start seeing from an observer’s perspective and take another stance on your actions.

In the exercise, I am to think of a past regret, holding that in my mind and considering if it’s still a regret. Am I able to love the person I was at the time and do I love the person I am now since that occurrence?

My immediate thought went to me in my twenties. I was with my ex-boyfriend and would succumb to everything he said. He really controlled me but I didn’t realise it at the time. I had dreams of travelling the world because that’s what I wanted to experience in life – other cultures, seeing how others lived, having adventures. My ex however had no interest in travelling, in fact he didn’t really like socialising, and if he did, it would only be with people he liked, and he didn’t like doing much but play computer games, staying indoors watching TV and movies. What I did allow him to do was manipulate me so that my dreams didn’t seem achievable at all – not just in travelling but with everything. A real dream crusher. What I regret is not standing up for myself and really having confidence to do what I wanted. I was so eager to please him, it was sickening. I regret not even engaging in my dreams and became a puppet. It’s something I now recognise, learned from and won’t let happen again.

Am I able to love that person I was at the time? I don’t think I loved myself at all to be honest. I don’t even know who I was back then. Do I love the person I have become since? Yes, I do. I have learned to really accept myself over the years of being single. Really focusing on myself has been the greatest thing I could ever do for myself. I think if I had jumped into another relationship, I wouldn’t have been able to have learned what I have now. I still continue to love the person I’m developing into. Every day I am learning and surprising myself at the person I am. I can only see myself elevating to new heights from here and it’s exciting.