The Grind

Photo by Bethany Legg on Unsplash

It's draining being near you
My life slowly collapses
My soul defeated

But I have to have you in my life
What an unfortunate circumstance
The double-edged sword awaits

I humbly sit by you
Waiting for a change
Something I cannot spark myself

Direction has you on a windy concourse
You steer out of control
And yet people idly stand by pleased

You are supposed to inspire me
You are supposed to lead
And yet, here I stand with little faith

Are others blind to see?
What am I missing?
I'm failing to see your point

I encounter you most days of my life
It's demoralising being in your presence
But I loyally fall into line

If only you knew what you were doing
Right now you have all the power over me
Right now I can't survive without you

Working hard in the shadows I must
Until I break free of my chains
With no more burdens to bear

There will come a day when I won't need you
My reliance will pass
And in that thought is what I trust

© Liana Lopez 2018

A Trapped Heart

You lured me with your charm,
Conveying perfection in your flaws.
You masked the real you,
A disguise against myself and the world.

What were you seeking?
Playing a flawless facade,
Displaying your appeal,
Smiling slyly for the admiration.

You were not satisfied in yourself.
Your game turned towards me.
What did you want from me?
Another follower to your empty idealism.

Like a lamb to the slaughter,
There was no second thought.
Following a leader's wise words so naturally,
As you led me into the path of destruction.

You shattered me,
Slowly breaking every being that made me.
You wanted to shape me into your perfect woman,
Infiltrating my mind to unveil the worst version of myself.

I was lost and played into the master manipulation.
Naive and eager to be loved.
Feeding you madly with my adoration.
The power you sought now granted.

You controlled my essence.
The keeper of my flame,
Though no one could admire my beautiful flair,
As jealousy urged to come out and play.

For years I did your bidding.
Robotic to your demands.
Were you ever satisfied?
Was your perfect woman complete?

What happened to the girl who dreamed?
She was buried by you.
Her voice was crushed,
Would she ever be saved?

My angels were listening and coming forth,
Freeing me from my sanctioned chains,
Wrecking any foundation you laid,
Slowly destroying the power you upheld.

You didn't understand where they came from.
You didn't understand what they wanted with me.
Ultimately you didn't understand me as a person,
And my dampened light started shining through the cracks.

No one changed me.
Stagnancy was ceasing to over power.
Freedom cried out with belligerent force.
The real me unleashed herself.

The puppet master's reign was coming to an end.
You didn't like what I had become.
When really, this was always me,
You just never could accept it.

You are now just a memory yearning to fade.
My release allows for my true self to conquer.
My heart will learn to love again,
For I am no longer bound by your ties.

----------------
© Liana Lopez 2016



 

A Father's Apology

It has been so long since we last spoke.
What has your life been without me?
Did I ever pass through your thoughts?
I always wonder what your life has come to be.

As I look back on the years,
I regret the words and actions towards you.
I inflicted pain and never understood,
The real impact of what that might do.

I wish I could have been there for all your special moments.
Even helped you when you were lonely and sad.
I gave you the space you needed,
So you could have peace and not remain mad.

I'm older and wiser now.
I'm so proud of the person you've grown into.
I never doubted your ability,
And all the things you could do.

I'm sorry for making you feel bad.
I'm sorry I brought tears to your eyes.
I cannot apologise enough.
The fault was all mine.

I'm sorry for all the wrongdoing towards you.
I never wanted it to be so.
All I can do is my best,
And hope you'll give our connection another go.

I long for the day
When we will meet again
For now, I'll remain patient
And hope, the good feelings don't wane.

For I am your father,
And I'll always be here.
Though we stand so far apart,
To my heart, I'll always hold you dear.

© Liana Lopez 2016