Day 49 - A Year of Spiritual Awakening - Some People Armour Up

Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash

Lesson 49: Some people armour up...

Today’s lesson focuses on our heart’s armour. Some of us tend to put an armour around out heart because it’s a misconception that we need to protect ourselves. If we live with more of an open heart, the more transcendent we can be. I am to think of my preferred method of heart’s armour and if I believe I completely open. If I think I am completely open, to look again.

I believe my heart’s armour is my self-doubt. I tend to not fully believe I’m capable, or that what I’m doing is wrong, because I’m a perfectionist when it comes to any task. If I don’t conquer something, then I’m some form of failure. I also do realise that this is a very pressured existence and I think I’m slowly learning to let go of things and let things be. I am letting the universe just guide me to where I need to go and can say quite honestly that I am not as armoured as I used to be.

I think I also tend to hide behind “I’m just working on myself”. Yes, it’s good to work on yourself for some self-improvement or self-care, but how long do you really want to leave yourself closed to other people, because you’re working on yourself. I think I have used this as an excuse that prevents me from finding a partner. I definitely think I needed it at one point or another, though it prevented me in being open to the possibility. There may have been missed opportunities that I didn’t even realise.

And finally, I think I really closed off after I had my abortion. I know I fear getting pregnant again without having the support of a partner. Coupled with those feelings was the constant let down of past lovers. I feel as though people run scared from something real, almost like they think they don’t deserve to be loved. I offer my love because no one’s baggage is too much for me. I know I can take on another’s baggage as well as love them. For some reason, showing this has been my downfall and I don’t want to continue to give my all if it’s not going to be received. I guess my armour in this is that I don’t want to reveal so much if I’m just going to be disappointed. It’s a tough dating world out there and I want someone to understand me. It’s kind of a catch 22, if I’m not open I won’t meet someone, but if I reveal too much, somehow people can’t handle me.

I want to live more openly. I think a lot of the time I do, though I sometimes close off from the world when I lose a little bit of hope in others, I don’t understand why people do what they do, or I’ve had a bad day and everyone’s energy is off causing me to be a little off. Maybe that’s the point, be open to all, the good and the bad, so that a natural flow will occur without you blocking it.

Day 49 - A Year to Clear - Check In WEEK 7 - Going Slow to Go Fast

Photo by Ryan Johnston on Unsplash

Lesson 49: Check In WEEK 7 - Going Slow to Go Fast

End of another week. I've always found lists to be helpful in tackling life tasks, but never thought to make a sub-list to that list. I have liked the lesson of really breaking it down and taking your time to action each task. How many actions will it take for you to clear one task, but also taking time with those actions.

Being able to break it down will also trigger less stressful responses. I like having reassurance that it's okay to action clearing tasks, or any tasks for that matter, in your own time. You shouldn't let yourself be guided by other people's standards and take the time you need to clear.