Day 49 - A Year of Spiritual Awakening - Some People Armour Up

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Lesson 49: Some people armour up...

Today’s lesson focuses on our heart’s armour. Some of us tend to put an armour around out heart because it’s a misconception that we need to protect ourselves. If we live with more of an open heart, the more transcendent we can be. I am to think of my preferred method of heart’s armour and if I believe I completely open. If I think I am completely open, to look again.

I believe my heart’s armour is my self-doubt. I tend to not fully believe I’m capable, or that what I’m doing is wrong, because I’m a perfectionist when it comes to any task. If I don’t conquer something, then I’m some form of failure. I also do realise that this is a very pressured existence and I think I’m slowly learning to let go of things and let things be. I am letting the universe just guide me to where I need to go and can say quite honestly that I am not as armoured as I used to be.

I think I also tend to hide behind “I’m just working on myself”. Yes, it’s good to work on yourself for some self-improvement or self-care, but how long do you really want to leave yourself closed to other people, because you’re working on yourself. I think I have used this as an excuse that prevents me from finding a partner. I definitely think I needed it at one point or another, though it prevented me in being open to the possibility. There may have been missed opportunities that I didn’t even realise.

And finally, I think I really closed off after I had my abortion. I know I fear getting pregnant again without having the support of a partner. Coupled with those feelings was the constant let down of past lovers. I feel as though people run scared from something real, almost like they think they don’t deserve to be loved. I offer my love because no one’s baggage is too much for me. I know I can take on another’s baggage as well as love them. For some reason, showing this has been my downfall and I don’t want to continue to give my all if it’s not going to be received. I guess my armour in this is that I don’t want to reveal so much if I’m just going to be disappointed. It’s a tough dating world out there and I want someone to understand me. It’s kind of a catch 22, if I’m not open I won’t meet someone, but if I reveal too much, somehow people can’t handle me.

I want to live more openly. I think a lot of the time I do, though I sometimes close off from the world when I lose a little bit of hope in others, I don’t understand why people do what they do, or I’ve had a bad day and everyone’s energy is off causing me to be a little off. Maybe that’s the point, be open to all, the good and the bad, so that a natural flow will occur without you blocking it.