Day 53 - A Year to Clear - It is Safe to Let Go

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Lesson 53: It is Safe to Let Go

Today’s lesson revolves around thinking of a story that I tell myself that is not true and what I’d like to release. I am to write it down and complete the following sentences:

• It is safe to let go of this story because____ [Notice and allow the part of you that does not feel so safe].
• I know that this story is not true because_____

I am meant to write everything that comes to my mind within a minute or until I feel complete. I decided to meditate on this story that’s been coming up lately that I really need to release.

Last year I really liked my friend, we slept together, certain things were said that gave me an impression things might go further, maybe it was in my head, I’m not sure, and don’t think that’s relevant, but after 2 failed methods of contraception, I fell pregnant, had an abortion against my own values because it meant I’d do pregnancy on my own. The toughest moments of my life was during this time and I hold onto feelings from this situation that are just not true. I hold onto the fact that I think I’m not worthy of love. I think I deserve love, but the memories of that situation, make me think that I’ll never find a partner that truly understands the kind of love I offer. During this time, I had to not only get over the feelings I had for my friend, I had to also recognise I lost my friend at the same time, as well as deal with depression of that abortion. There was a lot of questions of “why is this happening to me?” “what did I do to deserve this?”. You can’t help but feel this way when you’re faced with such trauma. I felt unloved and worthless in that moment. There’s an ugliness that brews inside that can take over and somehow it’s all you’re blinded by.

So I decided to meditate on this for release. It’s popped up many a time in recent weeks for me to deal with and release. I faced some truths. I asked my guides and the Universe to really let me confront those truths. These included:

·         My friend was in his own turmoil that he needed to sort out himself

·         There was nothing I could do to convince him that he could be with me

·         He was never going to be strong enough to deal with the abortion like I needed him to

·         He wasn’t the right person for me

·         I deserve someone that truly understands me and accepts me for who I am

·         It’s not my fault for trying

To finish the sentences I need to for today’s lesson:

• It is safe to let go of this story because it’s the past, the past cannot be changed, this person wasn’t good for me, the Universe is here for me and I was to learn from that experience.
• I know that this story is not true because I am a powerful being with much to offer and just because one person didn’t love me, doesn’t mean I won’t ever find the right partner.

Day 50 - A Year to Clear - What's Your Story?

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Lesson 50: What's Your Story?

““The human mind: It’s the best drama machine around. It’s portable. It runs day and night, even, and especially, when we’re not aware of it or paying attention. It is infinitely expandable and requires only imagination to operate. It cranks out some of the best stories around. Just feed it a few tidbits of hearsay, half-truths, some emotional charge, some childhood memories (the more traumatic, the better), and voila, you’re cooking, baby — with fire!” —Your Spacious Self”

— Stephanie Bennett Vogt

Today We have a new week and a new theme – “Releasing Old Stories”. Stephanie has us thinking about what stories we are telling today and to remind us that we are not our stories.

Today there was me spouting how much I hated the placed I worked at. Honestly, I dislike being this person. I dislike not having control of my environment and being forced into something that I don’t like. The problem with work is that we have been undergoing a restructure. From late November to who knows when, this restructure is to take place. It means I cannot take on new projects, cannot take on new processes, and basically need to phase out what I’m doing until we get a new manager, and my counter parts in other states have been employed. So, here I am, in limbo struggling to go to work every day, because I don’t have direction nor a purpose. For someone who strives in structure, this is a major struggle for me day in and day out. It is absolutely draining mentally and therefore takes some toll on my body.

Every day I will do what I enjoy after work but I feel that it’s not enough. If work takes up the majority of your day and that’s miserable, then I need to rest to get over the draining day, it’s actually consuming more of my time that I’d like. You’re probably thinking “find another job” “talk to someone to make a change” – but don’t think for one second that I haven’t considered my options. I am stuck. I can’t seem to find jobs outside of the company for my skill set at a decent wage nor can I see jobs advertised within the company that I think I can do.

This is the story I am currently spinning with everyone. It’s annoying because it’s not the person I want to be and I know that it’s definitely not my story. I want so badly for some update on my future but it’s in the hand of others until they communicate it or get their act together. Personally, it’s a drag and I want out of it. This is not the person I truly want to reflect at work and outside.