Day 45 - A Year of Spiritual Awakening - There is the illusion..

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Lesson 45: There is the illusion..

Today I am to think about how much control I have over my life, if I’m sure about that and to imagine the universe having a better plan for me.

I agree that we do not have complete control of our lives. I know this all too well when my life went out of my control last year and I questioned life itself. When you really feel life spiralling out of control, you really question why. I know last year’s trauma was a pivotal point for me, and I just couldn’t see the value in life when everything seemed to go wrong. I know now, that was just the universe building me up to be a stronger person today, and proving to me that I can overcome any adversity. I was shown that I could go to the very bottom and have the power to climb back out.

I realise this is a story I spout a lot. It’s my story and it definitely shaped how I became the person I am today. I don’t even care that I repeat myself because I had my awakening through my adversity. I suffered a loss in an abortion, I didn’t know why the situation was happening to me at the time, but I’ve grown so much from it because I angrily asked the universe what was the point. I got my answer in 2 angel fish. They were sent to me and I’ve never really doubted what the universe brings me since that connection.

It’s why I’ve chosen to just live through experience. Every situation has something to be gained from it. A little insight maybe? A little fun? A little memory? Life is to be experienced and not just a set of tasks to be accomplished. We need to LIVE and not just exist. I know I want to look back on my life and can say I really loved the experience. The day I move on, I’ll be ready because I can say I truly lived. I believe the universe is sending me what I need when I need it. So it’s just being open to what comes.

Day 44 - A Year to Clear - Fight or Flight

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Lesson 44: Fight or Flight

When we’re pushed to the brink of our comfort zones, this pings alarms in our brain and sets off the fight or flight response. Clearing seems to trigger our fight or flight response because there are some points when you find discomfort in the tasks at hand.

Today’s lesson is to dial back our tasks or time on an activity if it triggers a stressful response. Today I am meant to do this. I didn’t really have any tasks that triggered stress on me today. The only thing I did have was someone else bothering me with a task at work, which has been ongoing for over a week and that made me frustrated, as it was going against our normal processes and it somehow became my job to do everything. I can’t even say that was stressful as it was more annoying.

I am not sure if I dialled anything back to prevent stress. It was a pretty routine day at work, I went to a meet up about self-improvement, came home, ate dinner and am here writing now. I recognise there will be stressful times but today was not one of them. I will keep this lesson in mind for future.

Day 44 - A Year of Spiritual Awakening - This understanding...

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Lesson 44: This understanding...

“Lesson 44: This understanding: that you are sometimes moving forward in flow, sometimes gathering information, and sometimes you are resting for the next leg, will make your trip a lot more fun.”

— Sara Wiseman

Today I am to think about what state of movement I am in. I believe I am in a state of gathering. For me, I am trying to learn about myself, learn what brings me joy the most and learn along my spiritual journey. There is a lot of knowledge to be gained and I feel very much beginner. I know there is a lot to come this year and it will naturally flow in my life.

The other day I did a card reading and it said to be careful as I may burn out. I am trying to use up as much of my time as possible, and by doing this it means I don’t get the right amount of sleep. The problem is, my mind is most active at midnight and that’s not manageable in my 9-5 job. I have stayed up until 2am writing and it’s taxing on my mind and body. Based on today’s lesson, there will come a time when I will slow down and rest. I am really focused on going full steam ahead as I don’t want to get in a state of laziness. If I do get to a point of laziness, it means i will neglect the activities that make me happy.

I never really thought about the cycle in this way but it makes sense. You gather, it flows, you rest, like a natural state of affairs.  

Day 43 - A Year to Clear - Baby Steps

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Lesson 43: Baby Steps

New week equals a new theme. The theme for Week 7 is "Going Slow to Go Fast."

Today is applauding the progress so far and knowing that we are rewiring the brain. I am to note what changes and new clearing habits that I’ve noticed.

I think the most noticeable action I’ve taken is when emotions arise to tell myself “it’s just weather” and then I breathe through it. I am breathing through everything especially any anxiety that comes up. It’s been a good tool to just get some calmness into my body and mind.

Apart from this, I am taking on the observer position more often. This helps gain more perspective and to regain control of overwhelm.
 

Definitely is a gradual process for a much bigger picture.

Day 43 - A Year of Spiritual Awakening - We do not get a big map...

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Lesson 43: We do not get a big map...

Today’s lesson goes through the fact that we are not given a map in life. We are meant to explore and journey, always being taken down a path our hearts directs us to.  I am to look at where I am at today and look back at how I got here today. Is this enough to trust and move me forward?

I have such a history with so many milestones, events, trauma, sadness, anger, happiness and love that has got me here today. I feel like it would be a novel to write out everything.

I am a child of divorce, watched my mother suffer through some of the toughest times in life, and then she overcame her adversity through religion, faith and patience. She recently remarried and is happy once more.

I don’t have a good relationship with my father. I was mentally and emotionally abused and it plagued me with self-esteem and confidence issues that very much carried through my adult life. It’s still a part of my life that I need to work through and I know I will. Him cheating on my mum also didn’t help.

I had a very long term relationship and I can say that I know what it is to love and experience love. I am very grateful to have experienced this and it is wonderful having love. Even though I am not with this person anymore, there were a lot of good memories and growth from that moment in my life.

I had an abortion last year that majorly changed my life. At the time it felt like a punishment and I didn’t understand why I had to go through it, but without that happening to me, I wouldn’t have connected with the Universe like I have now. I am on my spiritual path through such sadness and loss. It opened my eyes to the pettiness that surrounds me and I recognise what I need to surround myself with.

Travelling always makes me feel good to see how other people live and my last trip to Thailand seriously changed my life. Seeing a community come together to change and save elephants is heart-warming and opened me up to wanting to do more in the world.

Remembering has been a large part of my path. I do not want to live with regret, so I am remembering all the things I wanted to try as a child, and had no confidence to do. I am trying to learn different types of dance, writing again and will learn a language. There is so much time we have left and we tend to limit ourselves by saying “I am too old”. I never want to limit myself in any way so I am going to do all the things I missed out on.

Right now, I’m the best I’ve ever been. Even though it’s a rocky road, I know I have the power to direct my life. I am the only person that can bring joy to my life and I should never rely on someone else to do this for me. I have so much trust in the universe that things will work out, I don’t tend to overthink the future. It’s a good feeling to let go in this way and trust. If you had spoken to me 2 years ago, I wouldn’t have ever thought I’d have this feeling. It’s kind of satisfying in its own way. I’ve got goals to achieve and if I work hard towards them, open myself to receiving, then the universe will answer. It’s amazing trusting in something that is bigger than yourself.