Day 47 - A Year of Spiritual Awakening - The Heart is Closed

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Lesson 47: The heart is closed four ways...

“Lesson 47: The heart is closed four ways: first by the physical body, next by the emotional armour we all wear, next by the physical heart itself, and finally, at the very center of everything, is your inner heart, the heart within your heart, your secret heart: Ananda Kanda. This is what desires to be cracked open to the world.”

— Sara Wiseman

So I had a pretty shitty week and decided that I needed my weekend. So no lessons and I just wanted to do my own thing. It means I play catch up but I needed a bit of sanity back.

Friday’s lesson talks about Ananda Kanda. I didn’t know what this was until I googled it. From my understanding, Ananda Kanda is the “root of bliss” and it is the spiritual heart. I feel like it’s your true intent and true being. Just the purest of love, intention and desire.

I am meant to recall my heart within my heart and even if my heart is locked away, it can be opened.  I thought meditation is a good way to gain some answers.

So my meditation started with my walking through my heart into some white light. There I could see my secret heart. It was a white ball of light and I looked upon it. From there, I held up the light and splashed it over my face, kind of like when you go to wash your face in a sink. The light spread through my body and suddenly it was like I was living as my purest self. There was me, very childlike and the message I took from it, was that to remember what it was like to be a child when you looked upon the world with amazement, everything seemed fresh and you’re fired by wonder. For me, it’s about regaining some of that passion we had as children, where we were confident to say and do anything. There is no reason why we can’t have that same brightness as adults. Obviously not to say and do things that are offensive, but to really drive yourself to those depths be free. I really felt free in this meditation.

I then had a wand and it was like when you have a sparkler, the end was lit and I was just painting random patterns of light whilst dancing around. The wand also made pictures of healing the world. I can be a healer, maybe not on a global scale, or maybe very much so on a global scale, but it was a reminder that I can become this greater person. I know I want to help people, even if my words or actions made a difference in one person’s life, that’s a good uplifting experience and I know it’s going to take a lot of hard work to get there.

The final images I got shown was me raising wands with others in a collective. I was also holding hands with them in a circle, sort of skipping around in a circle. It was a very united and safe feeling. It showed me that the community I seek in the tasks, goals and dreams that I have will form in time. There are people out there like me and will help me on my way. It also showed me the peace there is to be had on this earth if we all work together.  Acts of kindness do go a long way.

So in conclusion, I feel like I have to stick to what I’m doing, expand my knowledge and work hard on my dreams. I need to remember to have the same awe as a child, because there’s a certain calmness to approaching life with amazement, and not get bogged down by trivial matters. We can live a bit freer if don’t let the worry cloud our minds.

Day 47 - A Year to Clear - Rule of One

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Lesson 47: The Rule of One

“Adopting the rule of one means clearing one thing (thought, issue) — with awareness — for one minute, once a day, for one week.”

— Stephanie Bennett Vogt

So I had a pretty shitty week and decided that I needed my weekend. So no lessons and I just wanted to do my own thing. It means I play catch up but I needed a bit of sanity back.

Friday’s lesson was about taking the list we made on Thursday, choosing one action of that list and making a sub-list. Every day for one minute I am to notice how I am feel before, during and after the practice. This sub-list is meant to slow me down because it isn’t a race to cram it all into the one minute.

So recently I heavily decluttered my clothing, shoes and jewellery. All these items live in a store room outside of my apartment but I haven’t finished going through my home to create the physical space into an environment that I fully enjoy. My item from Thursday’s list is “Physical clutter”.

My sub-list of action

·         Create a giveaway bag, keep bag and throw away bag

·         Go through one box of items a day and do as much as I can manage

·         Tidy up the space in which these items came from

·         Rearrange the room to my liking

·         Give away items to charity or friends daughter

·         Find a place for those items I want to keep

·         Put furniture or unused items up on Gumtree and Facebook marketplace

·         Throw away all the items you don’t need without attachment

·         Feel good because you’ve cleared your space

Now I’ve got to do this for real.

Day 46 - A Year of Spiritual Awakening - Measuring Life

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Lesson 46: This idea of measuring a life...

“Lesson 46: This idea of measuring a life by earth standards? It’s ridiculous. The heart’s opening is the only thing that matters in this lifetime. There’s nothing more important than this.”

— Sara Wiseman

I am to check how my heart feels today and if I’m feeling scared, stressed, unloved or disappointed, to open my heart and feel the expansion and relief.

I think right now I’m wondering how to meet people in order to find love. What kind of activities can I get involved in to socialise more to meet someone. Everyone says you’ll meet someone when you least expect it, and frankly, that’s not comforting at all and sometimes I just find it a bit too cliché. I think I crave to be loved because it’s a nice feeling to send and receive love. I mean it doesn’t stress me out, I’ve just have been thinking how to get out there and where do I find these people. I am a little disappointed as the men I come across are just after sex or can’t hold an honest conversation. It’s a wonder really.  So right now I am feeling a little unloved.

I just went into meditation to ask the universe to open my heart to possibilities. I always feel better when I meditate, even if it’s for 5 minutes. I am open to receive and not going to say I’m ready for love. I’m more ready for what may come my way.

Day 46 - A Year to Clear - Clearing List

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Lesson 46: Small Steps - Clearing List

Today’s lesson is to write down all the things or issues that I want to release, listing 1 as the least challenging and 10 as the most challenging. Any thought or object that stirs some kind of emotional response needs to go on the list. Once the list is complete, I am to notice the sensations that arise.

The problem I have with this lesson is that a lot of buried thought sin my subconscious is coming up from time to time. Sometimes I don’t even realise I am to deal with them for release but I know they will come up over time.

If I am to get my list together of what’s happening right now:

1.       Least Challenging – Physical clutter

2.       My own self doubt

3.       Fear of getting pregnant again (without a partner) and having to have an abortion

4.       My laziness

5.       Memories of old lovers

6.       That I may never find a partner

7.       Most Challenging - Relationship with my dad

This is all I can think of right now. I know these are definitely things that will take time to work through. I do have a goal by the end of the year to slowly release these. They are my challenges and I really think they are as challenging as each other. I can’t even really look at this list because it’s some hard truths as well. I am literally struggling to read it again through some avoidance. I know they are holding me back. I think as I release, it means I become more open. I look forward to that day when these are cleared.

Day 45 - A Year to Clear - Your Indicator

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Lesson 45: Your Indicator to Dial It Down

Today I am to recognise one issue or thing in my life that annoys me and gets under my skin. Those types of emotions towards it is an “indicator to dial it down”. Stephanie’s lesson talks about those chemicals building up that stops us dead in our tracks. I am to notice when fight or flight responses kick in unnecessarily and attempt to dial it back.

I seriously think the only thing bothering me that really gets my blood boiling is my situation at work. It’s not within my control and it’s waiting on answers. I try not to think about it but when you feel like you’re constantly shafted, it’s hard to keep a positive mindset. We spend most of our time at work so when it’s not going well, it can really throw off your day… but every day. The way I currently dial it back is to look at my post it note that we established from lesson 41 to “just breathe” and I don’t think about it anymore. I just try and focus on my tasks so I don’t get stuck in that cycle.

I believe to really dial it back, you need to recognise the emotion rising within you, and stop to think if it really serves you. It does take awareness for this to happen. But I learned yesterday at a meet up group about personal development, that fight or flight response is also due to us being forced into situations that push our comfort zone as well. So if we start to recognise those emotions in those uncomfortable situations, we can then work towards overcoming any stressful or fearful thought. Sounds easy, but it takes work really. Something I am still working on for sure. It’s all about taking a moment to think about what doesn’t serve you and retraining the brain to think differently.